He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
