At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
