8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
