Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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