just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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