I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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