I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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