I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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