i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
