you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
