i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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