Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
