The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
