I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just google imaged poop.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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