I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
