I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
