Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
