Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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