this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
