Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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