Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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