thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
