I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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