He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
