she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
