So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
