You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
