would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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