his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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