So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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