Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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