and you said cock pushups were impossible
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
