Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
