The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
