When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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