If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
