You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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