Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
