Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
