dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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