Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
