Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
