She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
