Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize