Me. At least after what I've been through.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
