You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
