i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
