It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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