my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
