My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
