i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
