no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
