he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
