I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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