Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize