i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
