can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
