Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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