I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
