Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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