New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
