i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
