We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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