I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
