You just made me feel so damn special
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
