i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
