I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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