Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
