Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
