Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
