is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
