hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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