I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
