now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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