can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
