so explain again why im purple
no
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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