Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
