The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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