i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
